Ten days or so to the (111th?) Oscars we decided to sit down and have a talk with Mr. Peters about what might go down this year around. The following is a transcript of that conversation.
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KP: So another year of great movies. What are your predictions for this year's award ceremony?
AP: Mind you, I haven't seen any of these flicks.
KP: Neither have I.
AP: Fucking excellent.
KP: So lets start at the top, shall we?
AP: No better place to start.
KP: Best picture. We have Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The kids Are All Right, The King's Speech, 127 Hours, The Social Network, Toy Story 3, True Grit and Winter's Bone.
AP: What the fuck. They have to watch them all?
KP: Those are the nominees.
AP: Well, I'm gonna go with my gut here. The Social Network. It's a hot topic, young people and shit. In support of new mediums and such. Globalization what have we. Critical but not too critical. A perfect fit. Besides, isn't Justin Timberlake in that one?
KP: I believe so.
AP: Cool. Yeah. So. Definitely.
KP: Moving on.
KP: Actor in a leading role. The men, that is. Javier Bardem, Jeff bridges, Jesse Eisenberg, Colin Firth and James Franco.
AP: Jeff Bridges won last year, so no. Bardem won something too didn't he? Who the fuck is Jesse Eisenberg? James Franco is still young, and he's also hosting. It must be time for Colin Firth. He's nice, British, and if I recall, has been nominated a couple of times before. They want to play you for a bit before they let you have it. It's fucking obvious isn't it? Colin, 100 %. Besides they love it when you have some kind of disorder and shit, so that you can tell they're really doing some acting. That they want it.
KP: Jesse Eisenberg I believe is the young guy in The Social Network, which you liked for best film.
AP: So they get a spread. Best films don't need best actors and vice versa.
KP: Actress in a leading role. Annette Bening, Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lawrence, Natalie Portman, Michelle Williams.
AP: Portman fucking learned to dance, man. If she doesn't get this one I'll fucking pickle and eat my own balls. Besides, she's hot, and stuff, and hasn't won one before. It's written man. It's something about those acting kids that grow up and become desirable. It's fucking irresistable, man. Trust me, they're already printing that she won it on the DVD. It's in the works.
KP: I hear ya.
AP: Well you better. Trust me, put your savings on that one.
KP: For supporting actor we have Christian Bale, John Hawkes, Jeremy Renner, Mark Ruffalo and Geoffrey Rush.
AP: Shit. Supporting acting that's where the real acting takes place so that's harder man. Did Bale win one?
KP: I'm not sure.
AP: Mark Ruffalo?
KP: No idea.
AP: Surely Geoffrey must have one.
AP: It'll be a toss up between Christian and Mark then. Fucking Jeremy Renner? No clue. Personally, I like Mark. I mean, when he lays on weight it's not because the acting demands it, he just seems to fucking love life man. He's good in my book because he doesn't try to be great. Good is enough, it's just fucking acting man.
KP: Mmm, OK.
KP: Actress, supporting. We have Amy Adams, Helena Bonham Carter, Melissa Leo, Hailee Steinfeld, Jackie Weaver.
AP: I ain't fucking ever heard of those last three but that Haily was that the girl in True Grit that talks kind of funny?
KP: I think so.
AP: Sometimes young is not so bad in this category. I'll go with that.
KP: Animated feature?
AP: Fuck off.
KP: Art Direction?
AP: Inward, hopefully.
AP: Tough one, tough. Black Swan maybe, Social Network. One or the other. It's a category for who can create the most cool, so, either one.
KP: What about Inception?
AP: That's a big money inclusion, man. They'll be happy with the nomninations, maybe get some of those SG-whatever the fuck it's called, special effects shit to slap on there.
AP: Bonham Carter?
KP: Yes, she's in both Alice in Wonderland and The King's Speech, both nominated.
AP: Yeah maybe that's the one that Alice will take. It had some costumes, didn't it?
KP: I'd imagine so.
AP: Get on with it. Directors, what have we?
KP: Darren Aronofsky, David Q. Russel, Tom Hooper, David Fincher, Cohen Brothers.
AP: Fucking Cohen brothers need to move the fuck over. Fincher's got one doesn't he? Did he make Seven? I think he did, and I think that won something.
KP: No idea.
AP: Didn't Aronofsky win for The Wrestler or maybe that was just one of those best actor runaways? Or that other one he made. Fuck it, I can't remember.
AP: Fincher. It's The Social Network. It'll do some kind of sweep.
AP: It's fucking downhill from here, so, lets not. I do predict what's his face, Trent Reznor will get something for the music and that the Foreign film will go to Denmark.
KP: And the red carpet?
AP: Will be blue.
KP: Most outrageous dress?
AP: Geoffrey Rush.
KP: Lifetime achievement award?
AP: Francis Ford? Ennio Morricone? Maybe they're dead. Who the fuck knows. Some kind of reformed Nazi in a suit.
KP: All right then. We'll be sure to follow this up after the fact. Thanks for taking the time.
AP: Sure, now, piss off.